A Double Dose

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we decided it would be fun/funny/super entertaining to have a guest writer on our blog to share some her hilarious dating stories. We are sure you some of y’all will totally be able to relate, or just get in a good laugh;) Enjoy! Xo

Hey guys, guest writer here coming at ya with some needless to say, interesting dating stories for your sheer entertainment. Now, I see Lex and Sam on a pretty regular basis, and some of our conversations (well let’s get real, most of them) consist of the world we all like to call “dating”. I’m not even sure we can call it that based on how we’re all basically swiping until our thumbs hurt, but let’s just go with that for now. There were some nights where I left dates thinking…”wait, did that just really happen?” only to realize, yes, it did. And, it happened to me. Awesome. Hopefully some of you can share my laughter (and also pain), and have some similar experiences that you can relate these to.

#1

I first downloaded Bumble for the sole purpose of using the BFF portion…well, at first. I had moved to Dallas recently, and work in a pretty male-dominant field, so meeting girls that I can Netflix, brunch, and spin with was a lot harder than I expected. I met some pretty great girls on Bumble BFF, one being Miranda: Blonde, athletic, and a traveler, I thought, “Hey, she seems like someone I could go to ACL with…and she would probably wear a flower crown too.” We exchange numbers and the invitations to HH ensue. She invited me to happy hour one Thursday night when I was already in bed. My response was, “Hey girl, sorry I’m actually already in PJ’s…PMS has gotten the best of me!” She seemed to understand, and it ended there. A couple of weeks later, Miranda pops up on my screen with an invitation to a party later that night. My response, “Hey girl, I’m actually at spin right now, and am going to a work thing later. Thanks for the invite, though!” What happened next I legitimately cannot make up. 

Her “Why do you keep calling me girl?”

Me “…I think that’s just how I talk?”

Her “To be honest I think you’re chill and pretty, so I wanted to hangout with you, and see what you’re about. But, I guess that won’t be happening.”

At this point I was convinced I had used the Bumble BFF app incorrectly, and signed onto the “Women-Only” filter. I mean, she was hitting on me,right?

Me “Wait, didn’t we meet on bumble BFF?”

Her “No, we met at The Old Crow. Lol, don’t worry about it.” HARD PAUSE. “But if you can’t remember – you held my dog’s leash while I went inside to buy drinks. Well, you seemed like a cool person I guess. Bye.” 

O. M. G. I had confused Miranda with this guy I had met a few weeks back at a bar in Dallas. So, this WHOLE time I am texting him about sweat pants and PMS, thinking it was a woman. I cannot describe the range of emotions I felt in that 5 minute time frame, but it went from cool to scared to mortified. Needless to say, I never had my brunch date with Miranda.

#2

I have a friend that used to live in Dallas, that when I was in a relationship, I would bumble for her. She will openly admit that her text game is not strong, and I can be moderately witty sometimes,so I would talk to guys for her in the app. She matched, made dates, and we did our due diligence to cyber stalk the candidates. She went out with a guy we will call “McLaren”, and proceeded to tell me about how much fun she had after the date. One night while watching RHOBH on her sofa, I asked to see the guy she went out with. Within 14 minutes, I was able to figure out alma mater, ex girlfriend, career, position at career, and get an overall sense for who McLaren was as a person. My friend, Zoodles, went out with him a few times and really liked the guy. He ended up ghosting her, and she came to me about it because she was pretty upset. We quickly came up with 30 excuses as to why that happened (lost his cell phone, was training to be an Astronaut, got eaten by a lion…you know, the usual). A few months later, I was single and bumbling and matched with a guy that was witty, super fun, and seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders. We went for sushi and I kept having that feeling that I knew him (I get this feeling all the time on the account that my memory is so insanely bad). We said goodnight, I went home and it was still bothering me how I felt like I knew him. I found his social media page and did some digging…and then it clicked. THIS WAS THE GUY THAT GHOSTED ZOODLES. We went out a few more times and I ended up confronting him about it, and his reply was “at the end of the day I just wasn’t attracted to her.” We didn’t go out again.

#3

While on bumble, I matched with a tall, dark, and handsome guy that seemed to be pretty well -rounded. We texted a bit, and yoga came up (probably because some of my pictures are of me doing yoga poses in nature…lol). He asked me to a yoga class and I dismissed the invitation because I typically don’t do workouts for the first date. I mean, who wants to be hot, sweaty, and bending in ways that seem abnormal to yourself, let alone someone who you’re trying to impress? We texted a little after that, but never actually took the first date plunge. My friend came in town, who is a yoga instructor and owns her own studio, so naturally I wanted to take her to a few classes around Dallas during her stay.  We go to one of my favorite studios in State Thomas on a Saturday morning, and I am super pumped. I roll out my mat, get in child’s pose, and proceed to stretch. The class was relatively full, and surprisingly, there were a lot of men in the class. I notice someone that looked familiar in the class, and realize it’s the guy that I never went on a date with…located directly in front of my mat. He was staring at me, so I kept trying to turn my face the other direction and continue with my practice. I thought “well, he may not know its me. I’m sweating and have no makeup on, surely I look like plenty of other brunettes and am not recognizable right now.” At the end of class, an announcement is made – WILL [my name] PLEASE SEE THE FRONT DESK. Oh. No. It’s not like there are a ton of [my name]’s in this city, let alone in this yoga class. As soon as the instructor uttered my name, the guy turned around and cut his eyes at me. I ran out of the class as quickly as possible and left my friend so confused as to what was happening. I told her the story after class at brunch, only to receive a text from the guy saying “how funny is it that we were in the same class this morning? I thought that was you!” No bro, just no.

#4

I work in a field that sometimes on Friday nights you need a night out with your team (wait, that’s every field, lol). One Friday, me and 3 guys from my team go out on Greenville/Deep Ellum. Two of them live in Fort Worth, so I felt obliged to show them just how great Dallas is. We went to a few bars and ended up at High and Tight (one of my faves). This was pretty well into the night and we were all pretty happy at this point. I was trying to corral everyone and could not find 2 of them, and see my teammate talking to some guy. I go up to him and say “I can’t find Hank”, and interrupt their conversation. The guy, I will call Mr. Robot, proceeded to allude to the fact that I was rude for interrupting their conversation. We begin to play the “wait, who are you again?” game and he leads with the statement “I have a patent pending for a robot I designed.” Ummm…come again? He pulls out his phone and shows me videos of this robot that basically has caterpillar like tendencies and can crawl up stairs. Cool. Little did he know he was talking to an Engineer. I countered with “well, I built a robot in 6th grade that was solar powered, moved on its own, and was named Frank.” We argued about robotics for the next 20 minutes, and then he asked me out. We have dinner plans next Thursday.

#5

I got asked out by a guy in finance (the typical frat, too-cool-for-school guy) which I wouldn’t normally say yes to…except where he wanted to take me, I could NOT refuse. He texted me asking if I wanted to go to sushi or a concert that Juvenile, Trick Daddy, and Scarface were performing at. AS IF THAT’S EVEN A QUESTION? Who wouldn’t want to go to that concert. He picks me up with a few roadies, and off we go to dinner. Things are going well, he opens the car doors, he’s making fun of himself, and flattering me a lot (all while I’m eating a cheeseburger). We get to the concert and are a little tipsy at this point. I’m standing next to a 6’ 4” girl with a full afro, and he’s next to a 6’ 8” basically NBA player. I’m 5’ 4”. The pours get heavy, the music is loud, and “back that ass up” comes on. I am in pure heaven. We get a little rowdy, are having a good time, and before I know it, it is time to leave. I’m feeling pretty good at the point where we arrive to my house. He hints at the idea of him coming upstairs, and in my head I think “just because you took me to a Juvenile concert, you think you get to come upstairs???” I politely turn him away, and he proceeds to kick me out of his car, leaving me on the sidewalk, speeding away. We never spoke again. 

And, if you’re looking or some fun Galentine gift ideas, check out these: